MBNA

I've often wondered what MBNA stood for. I presumed it was an acronym to hide some long-winded corporate entity. Long-windedness obviously suggests a slow moving, less than efficient machine. Using letters possibly suggests, subconsciously, a sense of smartness and conciseness. Letters also reward success such as membership of a professional body or academic achievement.

So, MBNA stood for a smart, efficient, professional and clever organisation, never mind what the individual letters referred to. Clever eh? Yes and no. Yes, the concept sounds OK as far as it goes. No, it fails when concept becomes reality.

I was 'phoned at about 11.00 yesterday morning. I was on my mobile at the time (still makes me laugh - that phrase - when I imagine floating around my son's bedroom in circular movements below his lampshade!). I was therefore stressed when my other conversation was interrupted as it was quite an important business call, but I put them on hold. The tell-tale sign of a short pause at the other end after my 'Hello' told me everything. This was one of those call-centre calls that expect you to wait for them to catch up, even though you haven't moved from your chair. The person at the other end eventually spoke in a broken English accent which I couldn't understand aapart from the word MBNA.

I asked her to repeat herself. She tried to pronounce my name but couldn't. I sounded it out for her but she still couldn't say it properly. She then tried to engage me in a chummy kind of conversation but I couldn't understand her properly and told her so. Suddenly ditching the call centre manual she became quite aggressive. She accused me of being impolite and questioned whether or not I was racist! I was calm throughout and reminded her that she had 'phoned me, not the other way round. It was hardly my fault that I couldn't understand what she was saying. I then put the 'phone down.

Returning to my mobile caller I apologised for the delay. This lady runs her own business, as I do, and was sympathetic, having heard the gist of the conversation. She told me that her partner had been inundated with calls. In fact he had been on the verge of transferring his balance to an MBNA card but declined to do so as a result. His response was that he couldn't possibly do business with any organisation whose acronym was also its motto: My Brain is Not Active.